"Mood for Love" Part 3: Dealing with Burnout and Insecurity
I knew from the beginning that there would be a lot emotional ups and downs throughout this project due to fatigure and insecurity. I think what saved me most from being overtaken by negative emotions was my determination to finish the project. I was so resolved to have a completed webcomic that practically nothing could deter me from that outcome.
Insecurity can be very draining, sucking the mental energy you need to complete the project. I suffered the most insecurity on Episode 1 and Episode 4. With episode 1, I was pretty much figuring everything out from scratch, and figure drawing was still a big challenge for me. At some point I just acknowledged that the work wasn't very technically good, and that's how it would have to be so I moved forward. I also trusted that the more I worked on the comic, the easier it would get. This was true to a point; by episode 4 I felt a lot more confident in the process and had developed a rhythm to working on the series. However, by episode 4, I was also very tired from a 1.5 months of nonstop drawing, and the final episode had a lot of challenging action poses and perspectives. I definitely questioned at some points if all the effort I put into the series had been worth it or if I just wasted time making a lot of bad drawings. I even wondered if the art deserved to exist and be seen by others. In hindsight, it feels so obvious that the effort was worth it because I had learned so much about illustration from making the series, but at the time it was really easy to be scornful of the art I was making for not looking "professional". Thankfully, I had invested enough time that I knew it would be stupid to quit, and I gently reminded myself that I never entered this contest with the intention win. I just wanted to complete my first webcomic which is what I was on track to do.
Fatigue on other had is a far more tangible experience than insecurity, and won't just go away by changing your mindset. Definitely by the third episode I could feel the process wearing on me. I had pulled a few late nights to meet my self imposed deadlines, and my eyes ached from staring at my screen all day, but I was nervous to shift my focus to other activities since time was so precious. To combat my fatigue…I gave into it. You can't really fight fatigue because you're not supposed to. It's your body's way of telling you that it needs rest in order to take care of itself. When I got to the points where I just could not bring myself to pick up my stylus, I stood up and went to go do something else. Sometimes it was just a matter of switching to an activity like cooking and giving my brain time to stretch in a different way. Other times, I literally needed to lay down, be a blob, and not use my brain at all.
It is pretty amazing how much sheer determination can energize you though. My steadfast commitment helped me push through most of the slumps. If I was feeling tired or hopeless but I couldn't afford to stop working, then I just would promise myself that I would take the fattest nap when the comic was completed and that usually gave me enough of a push to keep going. I could also distract my brain from itself by listening to funny podcasts or comedy specials. Shoutout to Hannah Gadsby and the "How Did This Get Made?" Podcast for getting me through the rough stretches.
Of course, I pushed through all the tricky poses and painting for Episode 4 and the series was ready to publish! Wooohoooooo! Come back next week to read about that :)
Lessons Learned:
When you're feeling insecure, remind yourself of your original goal. Make sure your goal is an outcome you can control though -- like finishing a webcomic, not grabbing first place in a contest -- or else you'll just stress yourself out more
Listen to your body. If it's demanding you to take a break, then take a break. Otherwise you'll just waste time trying to force yourself to work when you could be using that time to recover
Promise yourself a reward if you know you're about to go through an extra strenuous period of work, but always know definitively when that break is coming. Nothing is more discouraging than the thought of infinitely working.