Satisfaction
People often tell you to be "proud of yourself", but I feel like no one talks about how important it is to be satisfied with yourself. When one is "proud of themselves", there is an implication that they have achieved something. When one is "satisfied", there is an implication that the bare minimum for contentment has been met. Depending on how big the achievement is, achieving a goal can take a long time while meeting the bare minimum is something that can be done easily or swiftly. So while true pride in one's endeavors may not materialize for a while, satisfaction can always be right around the corner.
Praise is certainly a good motivator, but I think satisfaction is another underrated form of fuel. This past week, I have just felt so tired. I thought maybe I was burned out, but I didn't feel averse or avoidant to creating art like in past burnout phases. I still wanted to draw; I just felt too tired to pick up my stylus. It occurred to me that I haven't felt satisfied with my efforts in a long time. I haven't felt like I hit a new milestone in my drawing technique. I'm trudging my way through writing a webcomic script. Even in other arenas of my life like fitness and language learning, I feel like I'm still working my way up to new milestones where I can celebrate my progress. And I'm so wrapped up in trying to reach the next milestone, that I forget to appreciate all the daily efforts I make along the way. I forget to give myself satisfaction or to allow myself to be satisfied. I have some misguided notion that if I give myself light praise for my small daily efforts, I'll lose my hunger to keep improving because I'm not starved for approval -- a very healthy ideology, indeed.
So I've been defining what is the bare minimum effort I can do to be satisfied with myself, and I have set the bar SO low. Because I need satisfaction to be something easily attainable so I can keep fueling myself especially when I don't feel like I've done anything praiseworthy in a while. I need to make more efforts to appreciate myself for what in do in my journey to improve. I want to appreciate myself for even picking up my stylus and studying anatomy for 5 minutes, even if I don't make groundbreaking progress that day. I want to appreciate myself for even writing 5 new words for my script.
That's why I don't see it as "praise", but rather "appreciation". Because praise feels more special when it's given more sporadically, so I don't want to feel like I'm praising myself every day or else I have to lower my bar for what I consider special (and I like to keep my standards irritatingly high) or I just wouldn't feel like it's genuine praise and my mind would reject it.
By regularly appreciating my efforts, I maintain an ongoing sense of satisfaction that I am taking steps in the right direction towards my goals, no matter how minute those steps my be. That consistent hum of satisfaction warms me up, and can even blossom into pride for being consistent. But again, this post is specifically about satisfaction, not pride, and it's my current goal to grant myself more satisfaction daily.